I consider that to be a classic film, but that won't be the topic of discussion on today's post, rather the same sentiments of going on a journey that seems to be taking a long time, and you let out an impatient sigh, wondering how much longer until arrival. I want you to imagine that you're going on a hike that leads to the top of a mountain, that is what God has called you to do and in your rucksack you check what equipment He gave you:
Torch
Bug Spray
Rope
Helmet
Harness
Batteries
The list goes on and you nod in agreement, only one item seems to be missing - the map. You look to God and remind Him in case He somehow forgot one element, (even though He's all knowing and very detail oriented), and He simply tells you to just start walking and He will guide you.
I don't know about you, but I have my own personal frustrations with 'I will guide you' as opposed to 'here are the directions'. I like to know where or what the destination is going to be, which will give me some kind of an estimate as to what to expect along the journey towards it and perhaps even how long it may take. Do I have a control issue? Do I have a trust issue that seems to be rearing it's head? Anyway back to the scenario, you begin walking towards this mountain that from afar doesn't look like a great distance, but days have passed and you're still nowhere near it. At some point you come across other ambitious hikers and what do you see they have?
A map!
You look to God like, how is it fair that they get to see the path but I don't. You notice amongst the other adventurers, there are those with companions and some who you see flying on a helicopter above, taking pictures of the scenery and breathing in the fresh air as it blows against their skin. Here you are a lone traveller, sleep deprived from bumpy floors to rest on, itchy skin from insect bites and still following the same lone direction of 'keep forward', that God gave you about three days ago. Did He ditch you to join the other hikers because they seem to be having more fun? Does He like them better because they have things you desire? Thoughts begin to swirl in your mind as you're still clueless and feeling frustrated with God, who seems to be purposely taking you on the most difficult path, whilst others have it seemingly easier. You haven't failed to remind God that He was the one who brought you to the mountain, you could've sufficed with a printed photo you'd hang on your wall.
Or would you?
Wouldn't you have wanted to experience the high peak and scenic views it brings? The exhilarating (yet breathless) feeling of having accomplished what for many is a once in a lifetime experience. What satisfaction is there from a printed picture and questions about what could've been? What must it have been like? Who could I have become?
I know it sucks having to go the long and lone way, walking by faith and having to trust God whilst you see others seemingly having an easier experience. I know there can be frustration towards God that the mountain had to be a part of your life, like great I have to accomplish this huge task and I wasn't given something simpler to do and within my capabilities. All I'm here to say is that I know how it feels, there are so many sermons and encouraging words out there that talk about the journey of getting to where God wants you to go, and the mountain is an apt illustration commonly used. I'm not here to offer words of encouragement however, though I do enjoy encouraging you, I just want to perhaps voice the inner turmoil you feel, but don't have outlets to share your thoughts and feelings with.
You may feel it makes you less of a Christian and that God is angered by your thoughts, but I'm here to tell you that it's okay to feel that way, and we all go through it at some point. I am someone who is very open and honest with God, I've told Him that sometimes it sucks being a Christian because of the hard times we go through in life. I don't want to be stretched, I don't want to sacrifice or rejoice when in trouble, instead I want to cry, give up or offload it to someone else. It's not that I'm deciding to leave God, (that may be something you're pondering and I have felt that too) rather I'm saying what's on my heart and He knows how to receive it and help me through those times.
God is there ready and waiting to hear all you have to say, so cry, scream, shout and let it all out, it's nothing you have to be ashamed of to bring before Him, and if it's any encouragement that I can say, it's that He is always with you and you will get there one day, I remind myself of this often and those are my final words to you.
We're in this together.